FACEBOOK LADY SUGGESTS MEN "MAKE MORE MONEY" IN ORDER TO DATE - BUT IS SHE RIGHT?
"What we have here is, a failure to communicate."
-"Cool Hand Luke"
10:42 AM 10/9/2026 Fri
Good morning, Ms. Aly,
As we do not know each other, please allow me to introduce myself. My name is Mumia Obsidian Ali, and I am a podcaster, author, one of the founding fathers of the Black Manosphere Online, and the Black Manosphere Conclave, the latter an annual gathering of Black men from around the world united in the pursuit of excellence in all things. Indeed, we just concluded our sixth consecutive annual conclave in Las Vegas last month, and will be gathering for our seventh outing in Beverly Hills, Los Angeles next September, 2027!
I got wind of your open letter Facebook posting dated Oct 7, 2026 that starts with the opening lines, "A topic many men don’t like hearing about...", and goes on to make a number of what some would consider provocative points about men and their handling of dating today. Your letter has certainly gotten people, and especially men, talking; as of this morning I can see that it has garnered over 400 comments (and I would imagine easily three times as many views if not more), over 200 likes and over 30 shares. Given that most of your posts don't get anywhere near that level of engagement, it is clear that you've struck a raw nerve.
And, since your post DOES make some fair points, it also leaves a lot of material on the cutting room floor; hence an open letter of my own to you in response.
Let's begin!
Ms. Aly, your open letter comes at a most interesting time for me - an uncanny stroke of synchronicity, in fact - for I have just finished "Labor of Love: The Invention of Dating", by Moira Weigel (2016). Prof. Weigel's meticulous research is right in the wheelhouse of your letter, because right in the very first chapter - aptly called simply "Tricks" (as in, "turning tricks" - read on), Weigel points out that not only is "dating" relatively new in human and American history, dating back to 1896 when that word - "date" first entered the American lexicon - but that dating has ALWAYS been transactional - and the grand bargain was a man's money, generosity, gifts and "treats", for a woman's sex. Go argue with your fellow White (and feminist!) woman in Prof. Weigel if you don't like what I just said.
I highly recommend Weigel's work to you Ms. Aly, because as I just said, she really does put your open letter earlier this week into its proper context and for my money (and I am sure many of your male readers and respondents will agree), properly frames the current state of affairs. What you posit is simply a matter of some men not being able to afford "high value women" such as yourself and the need for "all" men to "MAKE MORE MONEY", actually reveals something else that is occurring in the American dating market:
Customer dissatisfaction. Because, in the economics of human mating, ALL women are for sale - from first dates to "I do" and even (some would say, ESPECIALLY) in divorce - after all, Anna Gordy Gaye's warning to Marvin Gaye during their divorce, now immortalized in song, really does say it all: "You can leave, but it's gonna cost you".
You say that some men are miffed about the price they must pay for a luxury, high end woman such as yourself - but as I just noted above, Weigel's historical research says otherwise. So, since that has been thoroughly and historically disproven, let's now go to a much more market-driven and empirically rigorous argument - that of men, the customers in the mating dance, being thoroughly, profoundly disappointed in the product you ladies have been hawking of late. Put differently: Men don't have a problem with COST, Ms. Aly; they have a problem with the lack of VALUE you and your fellow sisters offer in return for that cost.
If you disagree with this, we can easily acid test my premise with a mega-viral event that took place several years ago, known as the "Cheesecake Factory Lady" incident. If you're not familiar, a quick Google search with these exact words will direct you to an AI summary of the event, as well as numerous social media hot takes in reaction. But simply put, Alicia, a Black woman, refused to get out of Jay's car to go on a date to the Cheesecake Factory, on the grounds that it was beneath her. Such a haughty attitude was by itself enough to cause the quick end of any date, but there's more: SHE WAS MORE THAN AN HOUR LATE, and as I am sure you will agree, with a dress size clearly well into the double digit figures, it's hard to see how anyone would accuse her of being a "luxury brand".
Jay rightly drove her back home and kicked her to the curb, making him the Hero of the Internet in doing so.
THAT, is what so many men across American life are rightly upset about, Ms. Aly - you say that too many men have Pabst Blue Ribbon budgets but Dom Pérignon tastes - when the evidence which is rife at this point across social media - including Kevin Samuels, the Whatever Podcast, Fresh & Fit, the list goes on - of Average at Best women who think they're a "luxury brand". In "Manospherian", this is known as a "49er" - again, a woman who is average at best thinking that, because she was able to get a bunch of cheap likes and attention on Facebook, Instagram or Tinder, and/or because she was able to get a roll in the hay with a guy with a sexual marketplace value easily double her own (and who didn't have to wine and dine her either, I might add), she now thinks that she can command "premium dating experiences". But that's not how any market - including the one we're discussing right now - actually works. Men, being the customers and consumers of women, who are the vendors, sellers and service providers, gets to determine what women are worth out on the open mating market. If a plurality of men think that a woman is worth Mastro's, getting flewed out to Cabo, and lavished with Prada, Gucci and Chanel, ON THE REGULAR, then she can rightly say that she is indeed, a luxury brand of a woman. On the other hand, if she's bellowing online about being taken to the Cheesecake Factory - or, like you, posting ad hoc letters on Facebook about broke men trying to take you out, YOU AREN'T THE LUXURY BRAND OF A WOMAN THAT YOU THINK YOU ARE. The Chanel store doesn't complain about customers not being able to afford their wares, Ms. Aly. Neither does the Apple Store, Ferrari, or Jaguar. They don't have to - because they routinely, on the regular, attract MEN who can and will happily pay their prices.
That's another thing that you said in your open letter earlier this week - the idea that women have their own money now, and that they aren't going to put up with guys who balk over kicking out a C-note on shrimp and pasta. You even included a detailed list of things that women do to upkeep themselves, totaling upwards of $10K USD easily. Because I am neither White myself nor do I have extensive personal experience with White women such as yourself, I will address your argument from the point of view of a Black man who does indeed have extensive knowledge of and experience with Black women, and I can promise you that the numbers of Black women who can truly roll solo dolo in a high end premium luxury brand lifestyle are few and far between. According to such sources as BlackDemographics.com, the rank and file Black woman makes in the mid-$40K USD a year; less than ten percent make $75K USD a year. That means even at its best, the vast majority of Black women simply do not have the discretionary spending to attain and maintain the kinds of things you listed - indeed Canal Street in New York City's Manhattan district is renown (some would say infamous) for its dizzying array of knockoffs - and trust me when I tell you, Ms. Aly, A LOT of Black women be rocking A LOT of knockoff brands. Simply put, if the Four Seasons, luxury vacation destinations like the aforementioned Cabo, Eddie V's and Krigler had to rely on Black women to keep them afloat, they would go quickly out of business - seriously putting a major dent in your claim that women can "do it all on their own". The business receipts - to say nothing of simply posting up outside of these establishments and eyeballing who goes in and out - says otherwise.
Add to all of the above the rife amounts of out and out fraud and abuse on the part of a considerable percentage of American women - academic "Foodie Call" studies puts it at roughly three out of ten American women, and something that I write in considerable detail in my book, "The Book of Obsidian: A Manual for the 21st Century Black American Gentleman" - something that the Securities & Exchange Commission, the Federal Trade Commission and the Better Business Bureau would be concerned about and recognized - and it is completely understandable as to how and why so many men in our time are dissatisfied. And we learn in Business 101 that when enough customers are dissatisfied, market corrections are inevitable. That is what the Passport Bros movement has been about for the past five years in its modern form, and if your open letter is anything to go by, I strongly suspect that trend will continue apace for quite sometime to come. After all, no man wants to pay Dime prices for a Nickel who honestly thinks she's doing you a favor merely by showing up...an hour late.
In closing Ms. Aly, please allow me to offer a suggestion or two of my own:
1. Men don't have a problem paying premium prices for premium experiences with premium women; they have a problem with throwing good money after bad, being price gouged and being defrauded.
2. Men date to get sex. If any woman isn't sexually attracted to - and is prepared to have sex with that man - she is better off declining his offer of a date.
3. Men expect women to be ON TIME for a date. Being late shows disrespect.
4. Men expect women to be witty and engaging in their conversation. Trust me when I tell you most women are anything but.
5. Men expect a woman's full and undivided attention while on a date. If what is on her phone is that important, she should have it pay for taking her out.
6. No man wants to pay for foul attitudes, profane pottymouths and surly attitudes. Resting B*tch Faces are attractive to no same man. Ever.
Thank you for your attention to this matter!
Sincerely,
Mumia Obsidian Ali
Black Manosphere Conclave
www.blackmanosphere.com
P.S.: In the end, Ms. Light’s decision to shutter her own comment section serves as its own quiet epilogue. The public square rewards conviction, not choreography, and those who enter it must be prepared to meet the full measure of reply. When a lady proclaims her standards to the world but cannot abide the world’s response, she reveals that the monologue was never meant to withstand dialogue. As ever, the marketplace speaks — and those who cannot bear its verdict often choose silence over scrutiny. I, for one, remain content to let the record show who stood, and who stepped away.
@Aly Light #DatingAdvice #datingtips #datingcoach #datingmarket #dating #datingadviceformen #entitledwomen #economics #datingecon #customerservice #customerreview #modernwomen #manosphere #PassportBros